For What It's Worth
by HistoryNut387
Summary: You don't always want to let go. He's living proof that it's sometimes so hard it can't happen. But with time, things can sometimes turn out alright.  Rating will change in chapter 11
1. Chapter 1

For What It's Worth

Two years. It's been two damn years since I stepped out of The Vault. Two years since my father died. Two years since I became the supposed 'hero' of this place. And two years... since I lost everything.

My name's Kyle, Kyle Silva. I'm twenty-one years old. Now you're probably sitting there wondering: what the hell does this guy look like? Well, I'll tell you. I'm Caucasian for one thing; my eyes are blue, my hair is bed wrangled, and I have a bit of a beard on my chin that resembles Machiavelli's. Often I wear a Mercenary Veteran outfit, accompanied by my lucky pair of sunglasses. They help quite a bit when you live in this sun scorched desert that is the wasteland.

On my back, I've got my personal favorite weapon, a gun known a "Lincoln's Repeating Rifle". I found this nice piece of work in the National History Museum sometime back, but it was not at all easy to get. On my side, I've got a very special weapon: it's human made but I know no one else in the world has one. It's a 500 magnum, a very powerful handgun. You're probably wondering where I got this beast, and I'll tell you right now that I didn't find it already made. I found the blueprints on an old computer. I'm guessing it belonged to more than one person, because I could just barely read the names "Smith & Wesson" on the side of the computer. When I got a good look at the prints, I nearly started drooling. I had to have it.

I downloaded the blueprints to my Pip-Boy and head straight for the only place that I knew where I could make it, The Pitt. It took me a good three weeks to make the damn monster, but it was well worth it in the end. The only pain about it is, the ammo is specially made. So I have to go back to The Pitt every so often to make the ammo myself. This gun can take a Death Claws head clean off, and yes, I know from personal experience.

But you don't wanna hear that. You probably think that I'm going to go on some mindless prattle about how I fought against everything the wastes threw against me, made the water clean, and saved the day like the classic good guy stories you hear about. I'm not going to though. I have something that you need to know about me. I won't bore you with too many details, but... there are a few things I need to get out to you.

I've tried to do my very best for these people, and a lot of them are grateful for it. But it just seems that no matter how hard I try, nothing ever changes. The Raiders are still killing, and the Enclave are still out there, no matter how small they are.

When I left The Vault, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I knew that I had to leave, but there was something holding me back. There was a part of me that wanted to go, mainly because I always wanted to see the outside world. But there was another part of me that didn't want to go. I knew these people, and their safety mattered to me. Still, I couldn't stay. Not after my dad left and everything went totally nuts. Not after I killed all those security guards just to make an easy path for myself.

Now I have a lot of things out here that most people don't, namely a place to stay, security, food, clean water, and enough caps to buy all of Megaton. But I'm not in the least bit happy. Many people would call me ungrateful, but they don't get it. Yeah, I've got everything that I could want... but I don't have what I need. When I stepped out of the Vault, my old home, I lost a lot. I lost my father, I lost my home, but most importantly... I lost the love of my life. Amata.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry about not putting in something before. So yeah, I wanted to keep the title the same, but i couldn't. SO now your stuck with the new title. So, here we are with the second chapter of my repairs. **

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Chapter 2: What Happened

Like I said before, there are a few things that you need to know about my past. Not many people know this, but this is something that you're going to need to know. I just want you to know, there is nothing in this world that I would want more than to just see her again. But... I know it's impossible, for the simple fact that she is the Overseer now. So please, listen to what happened.

_Two Years Earlier_

I received the distress signal the Vault in Megaton. I had just gotten back to my house after the traumatic experience at Project Purity, and it seemed to just come out of nowhere. I have to admit, it was nice to hear her voice again. She was calling out to me, she needed my help. If it was anyone else from that place, I probably wouldn't have gone. So I decided to go, because... well, mainly because I missed her more than anything.

Seeing as I was already in Megaton, I knew it wouldn't take long. I grabbed my gun and made sure that I had enough ammo. Once I was sure I was prepared , I strapped on my rifle and made for the door, and Dogmeat tried to follow me out. "No boy," I said to him, and made a motion for him to stay, "stay here, I'll be back soon." He whined a little, but I gave him a pat on the head, and him immediately quieted and wagged his tail.

Once I was sure he was alright, I made for the door again. After that, it was just a walk down the road, then up the hill to the Vault. Gaining entrance was easy enough, since she had already told me the password over the radio broadcast. From that point, it was pretty cut and dry. I was greeted by officer Gomez, probably one of the only good security officers left in that place. He quickly realized it was me and put his gun away. He then explained everything that had happened, for it had been almost month and a half since I had left.

After Officer Gomez got me caught up on the situation at hand, I had him lead me to Amata. Along the way there, there was a small altercation between Freddy Gomez and another guard, but I didn't really bother with getting involved. Once I had gotten to the medical office, I was greeted by none other than Butch. God, he was such an asshole. He even expected me to help him with what he wanted. I let him go on a bit with what he was talking about, but didn't pay attention to a word he said. Once he was finished, I just walked right past him without much thought on what he wanted from me.

When I walked into the waiting area, I finally caught sight of her. She saw me and immediately smiled. The way she smiled at me... it was just to beautiful to describe with words. Even though I was in a completely different outfit, covered with all manner of filth imaginable, and had a few new scars, she still managed to recognized me. I took off my sunglasses (I forgot I was wearing them); my eyes were wide and my mouth was slightly agape. She ran towards me, and I spread my arms to catch her. We met in a very deep hug, and I had to fight back the urge to cry tears of joy.

"Oh, thank god your here." she said to me.

"I came as soon as I heard you were in trouble." I told her.

She went on to tell me that she needed me to stop her father, and I was ready to do so. Sure I cared about the Vault, but more important to me was her well being. We had a quick discussion on what I should do, and I opted for a way to stop it peacefully. She was worried that I might do something extreme, but I assured her that even after all that time outside, I never wanted to act violent. I walked out of the waiting area and went to find the Overseer.

I was making my way up to the Overseers office from the walkway above the atrium. As I was walking, I heard someone coming my way. Instinctively I took out my rifle. Around the corner came Officer Wilkins, looking rather menacing. He told me that I never should have left, and then pulled out his pistol. But I acted faster. I lifted my rifle up, took aim and fired one shot at his head. It was all that was needed. I cocked back the lever on my rifle to reload it, and then put it away. I didn't like doing it, but I quickly searched his body for anything useful. I took his ammo and some sort of password he had in his side pocket.

I made my way down the hallway toward the security office, and I decided to take a look. I saw someone inside the containment cell, and since security wasn't exactly rational lately, I decided that whoever it was probably didn't deserve to be in there. I entered with caution, only to find that the cell door was locked. It didn't take me long to figure out that the password I got off of officer Wilkins was the code to unlock it.

Once the door was open, my old teacher Mr Brotch came out. He thanked me for saving him, and then went on to tell me that the guards had something planned. After he left, I went back to the computer to look at these plans. It turned out to be some sort of raid they were going to do on the rebels. I decided that this needed to end, so I went to the Overseers office. When I entered, I was met with a glare like he had known I was coming. I returned the sour look evenly. I wanted so desperately to give this man what he deserved, and that either a fist to the face or a bullet to the head. But he was Amata's father – what would she think of me if I killed him?

We exchanged our form of unhappy greetings, and he just held to what he said before I left. I tried to convince him why he needed to listen to the rebels and let them open the Vault, but again he wouldn't listen to me. Finally, out of desperation, I told him about the raid that was being planned. He knew he didn't have control over the situation anymore, and quite frankly I don't think he did in the first place. I told him that humanity isn't about perfection, but he didn't care what I had to say. He knew that someone else would have to take his place, so he went to the only person he could.

We made it downstairs, and he started up a speech on how Amata was going to be taking his place. It was strange the way he said it though. The way his voice sounded was almost like that of... understanding. Like he knew why he had to step down. She accepted his offer with the utmost dignity, and then turned to me to ask how I managed to convince her father to step down. I just told her that we had a talk, and she was rather impressed with how I handled it. She was happy that things were getting fixed, and I was happy that I got to see her beautiful smile again. God I missed it. But then she went on to tell me that... I needed to leave, because my being there might cause problems. Needless to say, I was in complete shock: it felt like everything that I did was all for nothing.

She held out a modified vault suit to me, telling me that it was a goodbye gift, and that we might see each other again.

I looked at the suit in her hands dejectedly, and then I looked at her. "Amata, we're friends, aren't we?" I asked her.

"Of course." she answered me.

"Then why are you lying to me?" I asked with a hint of sadness in my voice.

"What?" she blinked in confusion, trying to read my face.

"Amata," I continued, "you're the Overseer now. Even if you do end up opening the the Vault, you can't leave, and I can't come in." I could see her start to realize what I meant by the way her eyes widened slightly. "Amata, I wish I could stay here with you, so much. I know me leaving is necessary, but I don't like it. I'll never see you again, but if you're safe... I guess that's all I need." It was a lie what I said at the end, but I didn't want her to worry.

I took the suit from her and put it away. She looked visibly hurt by what I said, so I thought that since I was the one who made her feel that way, it was only right that I try to do something. I came in close to her until our faces were only a few inches apart. I could feel her breathing heavily; she sounded like she was trying to keep herself from crying. I leaned in fully, and out lips met.

Her arms found their way around my back, and she started to kiss me back. My hand snaked around her , and I kissed her tenderly, allowing her to feel exactly how I felt about her. All the feelings that I should have told her about long ago. I could feel the hot tears falling down her face, but she wasn't hiding it from me. She pulled away from our kiss, and then rested her head on my should as I gently rocked her back and forth.

"I love you," she whispered tearfully into my ear. Those words... I had longed to hear them, I longed to say them back to her.

"I've always loved you," I whispered back to her, "and I will never stop loving you. Until the day I die, I will love you forever. You may move on, and that's okay, but know I will always be thinking of you. I only want you to be happy." I was fighting back the tears in my eyes. I couldn't cry, not now. I had to be her strength now, show her how to be strong no matter what. She was strong, but I knew she needed me.

We pulled out of our embrace and kissed once more before I turned to leave. As I walked out of the clinic, I heard her let out a small sob. I didn't look back, I needed to let her go. As I got to the end of the stairwell that led to the clinic, I saw the former Overseer waiting at the corner of a hallway entrance. He motioned for me to come over, and I did so, reluctantly.

"What do you want? I'm leaving, just like you wanted," I said to him. He had a serious expression on his face, but his eyes were different. They spoke something else, something of concern or sadness, I don't know.

"I... I just want you to be extra careful out there." he said in a rather calm voice.

"Since when do give a rat's ass about me?" I asked in a slightly bitter tone.

"Ordinarily I wouldn't... but this time... you have precious cargo on board." he managed to force out to me.

"What?" I asked, really not knowing what he meant.

The serious expression softened on his face before he answered, "You have my daughter's heart."

The way he said it nearly brought me to tears right there, but I fought it back. He was right though, Amata's love was with me now, and I needed to take care of it. He turned and walked away from me, and I just stood there dumbfounded for a few moments. I then turned, and made my way to the Vault entrance door. I stood at the steel cog door for a few moments, then I made my way out. I looked behind me and saw Amata standing there, waiting to shut the door, and tears flowing down her face. I took out my sunglasses and put them on. I couldn't let her see me cry. I walked up the slope, and heard the steel door slide shut once more. She was gone now, and this time forever... I couldn't fight back the tears anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:Regret

Before I continue with what I was saying, I just want you to understand something. After I had to leave the Vault again, I wasn't myself. Let's just say that after I left, reality finally caught up to me. I... I kind of... went on a bit of a downward spiral.

_Back in the past_

I closed the wooden door that led to the Vault behind me, and then just stood there. I looked out to the horizon; it was close to dusk, and the air was slightly cooler than usual. The wind blew across my brow, making the sweat cool my skin. I had no emotion on my face. I walked down the hill that led to the road. I must have looked absolutely miserable, but nobody was around to see me, so I don't know. I stooped next to an old destroyed car.

I picked up an old tire rim, and with a grunt I threw the thing at the car. It wasn't meant to do anything, I was just doing it out of spite. I started breathing heavily, then slowly made my way down the road again, dragging my feet. I skulked in through the front doors of Megaton, and people noticed me walk in. Some of them were giving me strange looks because of the way I was walking. I made it to my house and shoved the door open violently, causing it to slam against the wall.

Dogmeat jumped slightly; he was sleeping soundly in the corner of the lower room before I I barged in. He walked over and sat next to me. I think he knew I was feeling terrible, because he just looked at me with his big sad eyes. I looked at him, and gave him a small pat on the head, trying to reassure him that I would be fine. Even though I really wasn't. I went over to my fridge, and looked through all of my food. I knew I had to eat, even though the depression rock in my stomach told me not to. I took out a can of potted meat, and pried the top off. Before I ate, I took out a plate and shook the can a few time so that the meat fell on the platter. I mashed it up a bit to make it not as hard to swallow, and placed it in front of Dogmeat. He started eating quickly, and then I went back to the fridge get myself something.

I sat in my chair, eating my bowl of noodles, watching Dogmeat quickly eat his dinner. When I was done, I put my bowl down and took my sunglasses off. I stuffed them into my vest pocket; there was no need to wear them when it was dark out. I just sat there for a while, not knowing what to do next. I let out a heavy sigh, and then got up to go to the door. Domeat looked up at me expectantly. "Don't worry boy," I told him, "I'm not leaving town."

I walked up the path that led to Moriarty's Saloon. I was in the mood for a drink, because I just wanted to forget. I opened the door to the saloon, everyone looked up at me for a second, but quickly turned their attention back to their own business. I adjusted my vest, went up to the bar, and sat down next to the radio. I folded my arms on the counter top, letting my head hang pathetically. I know that there was at least one or two people staring at me, but I could have cared less.

"Hey Kyle, how's it going?" I heard a raspy voice say. I lifted my head slightly, and saw Gob standing in front of me, smiling and polishing a glass. I exhaled through my nose, and let my head hang again. Gob's smile vanished.

"You alright?' he asked, but I didn't answer. "Something bothering you?" He leaned on the counter, watching me closely, like staring a hole through me would prompt an answer.

"Just give me a drink," I told him in a monotone voice.

"Sure thing," he said, "the usual beer?" I don't usually drink that much, maybe a beer every so often. But that night, I was just completely lost in a haze of bad judgment and depression.

"No," I said to him, "I'm gonna need something stronger." I picked my head up slightly and rubbed the back of my neck. "Gimme some whiskey."

Gob's eyes widened a little.

"Okay," he said in an uneasy tone. He got out a full bottle of whiskey and put a shot glass in front of me. He unscrewed the cap, and was about to pour it, but grabbed the neck of the bottle to stop him.

"Just leave it," I told him, and again he looked at cautiously.

"Alright, but that's 20 caps for the whole thing." I took the bottle out of his hand, and then reached into my pocket and placed the caps on the counter.

He took them and tossed them into the register. I pressed the bottle to my lips and tipped my head back to let the room temperature liquor flow down my throat. The alcohol burned burned from the second it hit my tongue to the moment it hit my stomach, but I didn't stop drinking. I kept hammering it back until the bottle was completely empty. I let my head hang down, and cringed while sighing from the burning sensation still in my throat.

Gob looked over at me again, shock at how fast I drank. "Jesus, kid, what's eating you?"

"Leave me alone," I told him in the same dry tone.

I knew Gob was concerned – he's always been a good friend. But this was just one of those times I was not in the mood for comfort or kindness. Everything in the world just seemed dead to me.

"Come on, kid, you know you can talk to me." He tried to coax me into talking, but like I said, I was more likely to rip his ear off than accept his attempt to help.

"Fuck off, Gob." The tone I picked had far more venom in it than it should have. When I said that, I could tell it didn't strike a good note with him.

"Well kid, if you're gonna fall off the wagon now, why don't you just put the damn needle in your arm."

I slammed the empty bottle on the counter, stood up, and shoved a finger in his face, "Why don't you keep what's left of your fucking nose out of other people's business!" I shouted at him. Everybody turned their heads toward us; Gob looked taken aback by what I did. I turned to face everyone else. "What the hell are you looking at?" I had an angry face and tone to match it. I have a deep, commanding voice, so it was easy for me to scare everyone to look away.

I sighed again and sat down, the same emotionless face coming back. I pulled out another twenty caps and put them on the counter. "Gimme another one," I commanded dryly. He took the empty bottle off the counter, watching me apprehensively, and put a new one in front of me. I went to pick up the bottle, but then I felt the alcohol starting to take effect on me. I brought my other hand up to head and leaned on my elbow. Slowly I guided the bottle to my lips and took a small sip. The door whipped open behind me and I turned to see who it was. Low and behold, it was Jericho.

I turned back to face the counter, and took another swig of my whiskey. I heard his heavy footstep against the rickety metal floor as he made his way over to the bar. "Well, look who decided to have a man's drink," he said to me smugly.

I took my hand away from my forehead. A sloppy cowlick stuck up from where my sweaty palm once was. I turned and looked him directly in his mud colored eyes. "Fuck you," I said slurring my words slightly.

"Ha, I like you better drunk already!" he said and laughed. Under ordinary circumstances I likely would have just shown my distaste of what he said, but I was so drunk at that point I ended up chuckling with him.

"Y-You know what man?" I said to him with a drunk smile on my face, "we should let everyone feel like this. Hey Gob!" I said to him in a drunk mirth, "pour a round for everyone in here, on me. There were a few cheers throughout the entire bar, except for Nova, who just stood there and shook her head smiling.

Gob passed out shot glasses for everyone , which was only about 5 or 6 people. Gob went around to pour drinks for everyone, including Jericho. Just as they were about to drink it down, I made a motion with my hand for them to wait. "Hold on everybody," I said to them. I stood up clumsily and made my way to the center of the room.

"Well everyone," I said so they could all hear me, " you're probably wonder why I'm being so generous right now. And I'll tell you why." I took a momentary pause before I went on. "You never know how long you're gonna have something. And once you finally lose it... it's only then you realize how much it mattered to you. It's only then that you learn to appreciate what you have." I then lifted up my bottle of whiskey, and continued on. "So please, raise your glass with me." Everyone who had a glass lifted it up.

"Here's a toast... to everything that we have. We have to learn cherish every little thing. Because if we don't... we may just lose it all. To what matters."

"To What Matters!" everyone in the bar shouted, even Jericho. They all tipped back their glasses.

"To what matters." I muttered to myself, then went to take another swig off my bottle. As I tipped my head back, I fell backwards, and everyone laughed at me.

"Nobody knows... how dry I am..." I sang to myself on the floor.

"Alright big boy, lets get you up," I heard a smooth female voice say. She picked me up, and I glanced up to see that it was Nova.

"Well hello," I said in a seductive voice.

That is all I remember from that night, and that's the god honest truth. What I did was absolutely horrible, and I feel bad for what I did to Gob. He told me not to worry about it, but I still do. God, I can't believe I did that. I just wanted to forget all of the pain, even if it was for just a short while. I should have known better... but then again, there are a lot of things I should have known back then that I didn't.


End file.
